Funebre
by ThinkingCAPSLOCK
Summary: No one should have to face death alone. Not even Betas.
1. March 1

**Funebre ~ 1**

It was something he never wanted her to see. She was too precious to him.

Too innocent.

"Oh, Dave…"

"Nah, man, don't cry. It's cool," Dave said, forcing his words through a grimace of pain.

"How can you say that!" Jade sobbed, burying her head in her hands. "It's not okay! It's not okay at all!"

_Don't cry,_ Dave thought. _Fuck, don't cry, I don't want to see this. Stop it. Smile. I want you to smile._

"This is all my fault."

"Shut the fuck up," Dave grunted. "No, sorry. I didn't mean that. Actually, keep talking. It's not your fault, Jade. It's me, this is what I do, this is what happens because I'm the fucking Knight of Time or some shit. So don't cry. Just…just tell me a story or something. Anything. I don't care."

"But Dave…"

"Seriously, man, are you going to deny me this. This is like my last wish. Is talking to me that hard. Just talk to me. Say something. I don't want to hear my own voice, fuck. I want to hear yours. And don't cry. This is stupid. Don't cry."

"I can't help it, Dave. I don't want you to die."

"Fuck, but I'm not. Well, I mean, _I_ am, but I'm not. Seriously. You'll go looking for frogs or some shit and I'll be standing in that fucking swamp and you will freak the fuck out. And not in the good way, not because I'm just so fucking handsome and cool that you just can't fucking contain yourself. In a bad way. A really fuck—_nggh_." Dave choked, biting back his own blood.

"Dave, I can't do this. I can't watch you die."

"Fuck, weren't you listening. I'm not dying. I'm not—_urgh—_dying, this isn't me. I'm Doomed Dave, I'm not Dave Dave, I'm not Alpha Dave. I fucked up a timeloop and now one of me has to die. It happens."

"I don't care! Dave, I don't want any of you to die! You're all Dave to me!"

"Yeah. That's what's making this such a fucking pain." Dave struggled to sit up, slipping in the crimson pool that had been slowly spreading out around him. "Well, aside from the obvious."

"Don't joke about it!" Jade cried.

"Then stop crying!" Dave gasped. "I don't want you to cry. Fuck. Don't cry, I'm still here, I'm still there—fuck, well, I'm somewhere. Just relax."

"Is it always like this? Are you always this calm?"

It hurt Dave to laugh. "No fucking clue. After the timeline splits, I don't know what happens. In the beginning I never even realized I had been doing it. I guess all the Daves are me, though, so probably."

"All those Daves…they died alone?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Dave coughed. "Jegus, it's fucking hard to think like this. Can't you just tell me a fucking story. Is it that fucking hard. I just want to shut up and hear someone else talk for a change."

"Dave…"

"Stop it. Seriously. Don't cry. Don't be sad. Just start talking to me. Call me a fuckass if you want. I don't care. Just say something." Dave couldn't see very well anymore. Everything was dark and blurry, even more so than usual. He thought how nice it would be if his last sight was Jade just smiling at him. He coughed again. That obviously wasn't going to happen. He wasn't even sure she was going to talk to him. He couldn't make her stop crying.

So he closed his eyes and slumped against the ground.

"Sorry," Jade said. She said it over and over and over until it blended together in his mind and he couldn't really understand any more. He reached out, grasping in the dark for her hand. She quickly took it, squeezing it tight.

"Thanks," Dave breathed.

And then there was silence.


	2. March 2

**Funebre ~ 2**

It was something he never wanted her to see. Fuck, he had tried to keep it so that she would never have to find out.

"H-hi, Dave."

"What. Is that all you're going to say."

"N-no. I'm…I'm trying to make it up to you."

"Make what up to me."

"From before."

"Before what."

"Oh, that's right. You wouldn't remember."

"Wouldn't remember what."

"Never mind, they aren't your memories."

"What are you talking about."

"Don't worry about it." Jade tried her best to smile for Dave, but it was hard. The sight of his blood alone made her tremble. She didn't want him to die. She never wanted him to die. It didn't matter that he wasn't Alpha Dave. Dave was Dave, and that was all. End of story.

End of his story.

She shook her head. No, she had to think of happy things. She had to be happy so that Dave could be happy. That's what he had wanted last time. That was all he had wanted.

Clumsily, she reached over and took Dave's hand in hers. She could already feel the warmth draining away. She squeezed hard. "Dave…"

"Don't look so sad. I'm just-"

"A Doomed Dave, I know. I don't care." She forced herself to smile. "I'm making this up to you, remember?"

"No. I don't."

"I did something bad to a different Beta Dave."

"What. Did you kill him or something."

"No! Of course not! It's just… he asked me to do something and I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Don't feel too bad. That guy is a perv. I know because I'm him."

"No! Dave, it was nothing like that. Get your head out of the gutter."

"I can't. I fell like this and I can't seem to get up." He laughed a choke of a laugh.

"Don't make jokes like that," Jade said.

"Sorry, man. It's part of the cool guy package."

"I know. The other Dave made bad jokes like that, too."

"What did he want you to do, anyway."

"He wanted me to talk to him.'

"What. Oh. Do you mean talk to him or talk at him."

"What do you mean?"

"I think I kind of understand what he meant." Dave smirked. "I bet that asshole wasn't clear enough."

"He told me to tell him a story. Or call him a fuckass, something like that."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

"It was you."

"Yeah." Dave's fingers began to slip away from Jade's. He couldn't really feel anything anymore. His whole body was numb. "Listen, Jade… I don't have… much left in me, I guess."

"What is it? Do you want me to tell you a story?"

"No, no, just…just listen, okay."

"What is it?"  
>"Thanks."<p>

And then he was gone.


	3. March 3

**Funebre ~ 3**

It was something he never wanted her to see.

"Hi again, Dave."

"What do you mean, 'again'."

"Oh, that's right. You don't remember."

"Remember what."

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks. I'll fucking try not to, then. I'll just be busy here, bleeding out if you need more anything. Don't worry about it, though, I'm cool."

"I wanted to apologize."

"Fuck. For what. You haven't done anything."

"That's twice now I haven't been able to do what you want."

"What did I want. What are you talking about. Why are you even here. How did you know."

Jade smiled sadly. "I didn't want you to have to die alone."

"What. What the hell. Aren't you supposed to be making frog porn or something now. Don't waste your time on me."

"It's not a waste of time."

"Of course it is. I'm not fucking Alpha Dave, so—"

"It matters. You're Dave. You're all Dave. Dammit, Dave, I should just have this conversation with Alpha you so you'll fucking remember it." Jade made a mental note to make another colourful ring. Maybe then she'd remember to tell him.

"Nah, man, don't…don't tell Alpha Dave. He didn't want you to know. Fuck. I didn't want you to know."

"Sorry. It was an accident. Well, the first time was."

"What about the second. And now."

"I thought I would say hello?"  
>"That's stupid."<p>

"Yeah, I was lying. I'm the Witch of Space, right? I got Bec to take me here."

"Fuck. Why. Why are you doing this."

"Don't make that face, Dave."

"What face. I don't make faces."

"You look frustrated."

"Well, fuck. I didn't want you to see this. I don't even like seeing it. I'm okay with it now, but I didn't think you would be."

"I'm not."

"See. Fucking exactly."

"I don't want you to have to die alone again."

"You'd better not follow me. I swear to Gog, Jade, if you—"

"Don't be stupid. I just mean I'll wait here with you for a while."

"Don't bother. Go make frogs get it on or whatever you have to do."

"You're scared, right?"

Dave said nothing. He felt cold already, but he wasn't going to tell her. He had promised himself that he'd be cool to the end the moment he saw her here. Obviously he was scared. He was fucking terrified. It's not like he knew what happened to the Doomed Daves once they died. Well, not yet anyway.

He would soon, though.

"What do you want me to say."

"Nothing. I just don't want you to be alone. It'd be sad like that, right?"

"Shit. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

"Stop lying to me, I know you are." Dave shakily reached up to touch her face. He ran his thumb across her cheek. "I can feel the tears. There is just eye juice all over your face."

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm trying. I'm trying not to cry, I swear. Every time I try not to but I can't help it because it's you. I don't want you to die, none of you, I don't care if you're an Alpha or a Beta or whatever. You're still _you_."

"Thanks."

And then his hand dropped.


	4. March 4

**Funebre ~ 4**

By the time Jade got there, he was already gone.


	5. Finale

**Funebre ~ 5**

It was something he never wanted her to see.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Jade cradled Dave in her arms, trying desperately to stop the blood flowing from his chest.

"'S'not your fault…"

"I shouldn't have shot at Jack! I knew what he could do because Bec's done it before! I'm sorry, Dave!"

"Just shut up… Stop…crying."

Jade bit back tears. She should be used to this by now, but she knew this wasn't a Doomed Dave, this was Alpha Dave. If Alpha Dave died, there would be no more Daves at all, and she couldn't bear to think of that.

So she tried to keep her promise.

"It's okay, Dave. We'll—we'll get out of this somehow. We'll get out of this and we'll all go home together. We'll watch really terrible movies with John, and he'll love them even though they're stupid and don't make any sense. Then we'll go, um, to the zoo or something with Rose, so that she can look for Horrorterrors or something. Or maybe we'll just watch old monster movies, that way both Rose and John will be happy at the same time." Jade wiped her tears franticly with her sleeve, still clinging to Dave. "And then you'll play us some great music, it'll be so awesome. You'll get really famous and meet all sorts of really cool, really amazing people. But you'll still be the coolest." She gave a shaky laugh. "Oh, but you'll probably forget all about us."

"Wouldn't forget…you."

"No, I guess you couldn't. I think this sort of thing is difficult to forget, eh?" She tried to choke back a sob and failed.

"What about…you."

"What?"

"What would…you…do."

"Oh, um, we'd… Well, I guess we wouldn't really be able to hang out on Prospit anymore, so I playing as our dreamselves is probably out. Um, we could…we could…" But Jade couldn't think of anything she wanted to do. The only thing she wanted was for Dave to live. "Hold…hands…or something."

"Do it now."

"What?"

"Hold my hand…now. Please…"

"Yeah, of course." She quickly took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. His fingers twitched, but he didn't have the strength to twine them with hers.

"Jade…"

"Yeah, Dave?"

"Thanks."

And she knew he was gone, because he always was gone after he thanked her. She didn't know why, she never did. She wanted to understand.

She bit her lip, pulling Dave closer. "I really hope this works."

She kissed him.


	6. Epilogue

**Funebre ~ Epilogue**

Jade leaned against Dave's back, watching the wind pluck strands up her hair and play with them. He was listening to music. She could hear the sick rhymes from where she sat and thought that he had cranked up the volume way too much. She played with his hand.

"Hey, Dave," she said, knowing he couldn't hear her. "Why did you always say 'thanks' to me before you died? I went to see a lot of Doomed Daves, just to make sure they didn't die alone, right? I mean, no one should have to die alone and scared like that… So I did my best to find you and stay with you. But you always said 'thanks' at the end. I never figured out why." She laughed. "When Alpha you died, I was so scared. I didn't think I'd ever hear you say it again. I mean, not that I wanted you to die more! I just…I didn't think I'd ever hear you say _anything_, again, really, and that was terrifying."

"Isn't it obvious."

Jade jumped. "Y-you can hear me?"

"Of course. I'm a fucking ninja of cool." Dave pulled off his headphones and turned to look at her.

"What do you mean, 'it's obvious'?"

Dave smiled a subtle, nearly unnoticeable smile. "It's because I like you."

"But why would you say thanks?"

"Jegus, Jade. Because it meant that you liked me, too."

Jade turned pink. "Is that why?"

"Isn't that what I've been saying."

She laughed, suddenly feeling very silly. "Thanks."


End file.
